{"id":71787,"date":"2021-10-01T22:48:52","date_gmt":"2021-10-01T20:48:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fjala.info\/?p=71787"},"modified":"2021-10-02T10:25:05","modified_gmt":"2021-10-02T08:25:05","slug":"e-drejta-per-seks-ne-jemi-formesuar-nga-deshirat-tona-seksuale-a-mund-ti-formesojme-ato","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jehonashqiptare.al\/fjala\/e-drejta-per-seks-ne-jemi-formesuar-nga-deshirat-tona-seksuale-a-mund-ti-formesojme-ato\/","title":{"rendered":"E DREJTA P\u00cbR SEKS?! Ne jemi form\u00ebsuar nga d\u00ebshirat tona seksuale. A mund t’i form\u00ebsojm\u00eb ato?"},"content":{"rendered":"

D\u00ebshira perceptohet si thell\u00ebsisht personale dhe krejt\u00ebsisht spontane. Ilustrim nga Na Kim<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

L I B R A – 4 TETOR 2021 – B O T I M E<\/span><\/p>\n

Ajo q\u00eb duam mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb m\u00eb e kusht\u00ebzuar shoq\u00ebrisht sesa ne e kuptojm\u00eb at\u00eb.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Nga Alexandra Schwartz<\/strong>, 27 shtator 2021 – Newyorker.com<\/a><\/em>\u00a0– P\u00ebrktheu Arben \u00c7okaj<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

A<\/b><\/span> e dini historin\u00eb e Myrrha (Mira) dhe Cinyras? Shfaqet n\u00eb Librin X<\/em> t\u00eb Metamorfozave<\/em> t\u00eb Ovidit<\/em>, krahas p\u00ebrrallave m\u00eb t\u00eb famshme, si ajo e Orfeut dhe Euridices; n\u00eb fakt, vet\u00eb Orfeu k\u00ebndon p\u00ebr t\u00eb. Myrrha, na thot\u00eb ai, ishte princesha e Qipros, vajza e mbretit Cinyras, t\u00eb cilin ajo e donte shum\u00eb – por jo si nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb. E torturuar nga epshi i ndaluar, ajo u p\u00ebrpoq t\u00eb varte veten, por u zbulua n\u00eb koh\u00eb nga infermierja e saj. Infermierja m\u00eb pas organizoi q\u00eb Myrrha t\u00eb shkonte te Cinyras gjat\u00eb nj\u00eb festivali, kur grat\u00eb e martuara (p\u00ebrfshir\u00eb n\u00ebn\u00ebn e Myrrha, mbret\u00ebresha) q\u00ebndronin larg shtret\u00ebrve t\u00eb burrave t\u00eb tyre. E maskuar nga err\u00ebsira, Myrrha kaloi shum\u00eb net\u00eb t\u00eb lumtura me baban\u00eb e saj, derisa Cinyras m\u00eb n\u00eb fund mendoi t\u00eb merrte nj\u00eb drit\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb par\u00eb fytyr\u00ebn e dashnores t\u00eb tij t\u00eb re. Me t\u00eb m\u00ebsuar t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00ebn, ai kapi shpat\u00ebn p\u00ebr ta vrar\u00eb. Ajo iku dhe u end n\u00ebp\u00ebr tok\u00eb derisa per\u00ebndit\u00eb i dhan\u00eb fund mjerimit t\u00eb saj, duke e kthyer at\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb pem\u00eb. K\u00ebshtu kemi marr\u00eb ‘myrrh’ (mirr\u00eb<\/em>).<\/p>\n

Dy mij\u00eb vjet m\u00eb von\u00eb, kjo p\u00ebrrall\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb po aq e \u00e7uditshme dhe trondit\u00ebse sa kurr\u00eb. (Poeti Frank Bidart<\/a> e t\u00ebrhoqi at\u00eb n\u00eb librin e tij t\u00eb vitit 1997, “D\u00ebshira<\/a>“, dhe tregimi i tij praktikisht djeg faqen.) Pse Orfeu k\u00ebndon gj\u00ebra t\u00eb tilla? Ai sapo ka humbur Eurydice-n duke u kthyer mbrapa dhe duke i hedhur nj\u00eb v\u00ebshtrim t\u00eb ndaluar, nd\u00ebrsa ajo e ndiqte nga Hadesi. Ndoshta, pasi ka shkat\u00ebrruar jet\u00ebn e tij duke iu n\u00ebnshtruar d\u00ebshir\u00ebs s\u00eb tij, ai po ngush\u00ebllohet i hidhur n\u00eb faktin se dikush tjet\u00ebr ka b\u00ebr\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn gj\u00eb.<\/p>\n

Ajo q\u00eb e b\u00ebn edhe m\u00eb t\u00eb \u00e7uditshme rr\u00ebfimin e Orfeut p\u00ebr Mir\u00ebn (Myrrha) \u00ebsht\u00eb se ai menj\u00ebher\u00eb pason historin\u00eb e Pygmalion, nj\u00eb skulptor i cili bie n\u00eb dashuri me nj\u00eb statuj\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb prej tij. (Cinyras \u00ebsht\u00eb nipi i tyre.) Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb p\u00ebrrall\u00eb e lumtur, q\u00eb p\u00ebrfundon me nj\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00eb t\u00eb pamundur p\u00ebr t’u p\u00ebrmbushur. Por edhe ajo p\u00ebrmban far\u00ebn e hidhur t\u00eb dyfishimit fem\u00ebror. Statuja e Pygmalion \u00ebsht\u00eb, n\u00eb p\u00ebrkthimin e Charles Martin, “m\u00eb e mir\u00eb se \u00e7do grua e gjall\u00eb mund t\u00eb mburret<\/em>” – n\u00eb thelb, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb kukull seksi fildishi – dhe ai \u00ebsht\u00eb nxitur p\u00ebr ta krijuar at\u00eb nga neveria e tij ndaj m\u00ebnyrave t\u00eb pahijshme t\u00eb grave:<\/p>\n

Pygmalion v\u00ebzhgoi se si k\u00ebto gra jetonin jet\u00ebn e zymt\u00eb
\npahijshm\u00ebri, dhe, t\u00eb tronditur nga defektet e shumta
\nt\u00eb karakterit q\u00eb natyra i kishte dh\u00ebn\u00eb shpirtin fem\u00ebror,
\nq\u00ebndroi si beqar, duke mos pasur shoq\u00ebruese fem\u00ebr.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Q\u00ebndrimi i Pygmalionit ting\u00ebllon si ai q\u00eb ne tani e lidhim me incel\u00ebt (Nj\u00eb incel \u00ebsht\u00eb an\u00ebtar i nj\u00eb n\u00ebnkulture online t\u00eb njer\u00ebzve, q\u00eb e p\u00ebrcaktojn\u00eb veten si t\u00eb paaft\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb patur nj\u00eb partner romantik ose seksual, pavar\u00ebsisht se d\u00ebshirojn\u00eb nj\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb.<\/em>): beqar\u00ebt e pavullnetsh\u00ebm<\/em>. Shembulli m\u00eb fam\u00ebkeq \u00ebsht\u00eb Elliot Rodger, nj\u00ebzet e dy vje\u00e7ari q\u00eb shkoi n\u00eb nj\u00eb zbavitje vrastare n\u00eb Isla Vista, California, n\u00eb maj 2014, p\u00ebr t’u hakmarr\u00eb ndaj nj\u00eb bote grash, t\u00eb cilat, si\u00e7 pretendoi ai n\u00eb nj\u00eb manifest autobiografik me nj\u00ebqind mij\u00eb fjal\u00eb, veproi si zusk\u00eb grabitqar\u00eb me burra t\u00eb tjer\u00eb dhe megjithat\u00eb e nd\u00ebshkoi duke i mohuar seksin. D\u00ebshira e d\u00ebshtuar e meshkujve, ne e dim\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb e rrezikshme – dhe k\u00ebshtu, historia e Myrrha na tregon se d\u00ebshira fem\u00ebrore \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebrmbushur. Myrrha \u00ebsht\u00eb e mallkuar q\u00eb nga momenti, q\u00eb ajo e kupton at\u00eb q\u00eb d\u00ebshiron, dhe e di at\u00eb.<\/p>\n

Ky \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb besim i lasht\u00eb: se d\u00ebshirat tona m\u00eb t\u00eb zjarrta banojn\u00eb t\u00eb formuara plot\u00ebsisht brenda nesh, vet\u00ebm duke pritur t\u00eb shfaqen. \u00cbsht\u00eb gjithashtu n\u00eb qend\u00ebr t\u00eb politik\u00ebs seksuale bashk\u00ebkohore; pak gj\u00ebra kan\u00eb qen\u00eb m\u00eb kritike p\u00ebr pranimin e t\u00eb drejtave t\u00eb homoseksual\u00ebve n\u00eb Shtetet e Bashkuara, sesa nocioni se njer\u00ebzit queer<\/strong> (Queer \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb term ombrell\u00eb p\u00ebr pakicat seksuale dhe gjinore, q\u00eb nuk jan\u00eb heteroseksual\u00eb ose nuk jan\u00eb seksual\u00eb. Fillimisht do t\u00eb thot\u00eb “e \u00e7uditshme” ose “e ve\u00e7ant\u00eb”, queer filloi t\u00eb p\u00ebrdoret n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb pezhorative kund\u00ebr atyre me d\u00ebshira ose marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie t\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtit seks n\u00eb fund t\u00eb shekullit t\u00eb 19-t\u00eb.<\/em>) “lindin n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb<\/em>“. T\u00eb ndryshojm\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00ebn ton\u00eb? Duket m\u00eb e leht\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshosh n\u00eb nj\u00eb pem\u00eb.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A<\/b><\/span> ka ardhur koha p\u00ebr ta rikonsideruar? Amia Srinivasan, nj\u00eb profesoresh\u00eb e filozofis\u00eb n\u00eb Oksford dhe nj\u00eb kontribuese<\/a> e rastit n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb revist\u00eb, mendon k\u00ebshtu. Koleksioni i saj i ri i eseve, “E drejta p\u00ebr seks<\/a>” (Farrar, Straus & Giroux), merr nj\u00eb s\u00ebr\u00eb temash, q\u00eb jan\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme, si\u00e7 thot\u00eb n\u00ebntitulli i saj, p\u00ebr “feminizmin n\u00eb shekullin e nj\u00ebzet e nj\u00eb<\/em>“, t\u00eb tilla si pornografia, p\u00eblqimin dhe perspektiv\u00ebn e seksit midis student\u00ebve dhe m\u00ebsuesve t\u00eb tyre. Por n\u00eb zem\u00ebr t\u00eb saj \u00ebsht\u00eb eseja me titull, n\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebn Srinivasan na k\u00ebrkon t\u00eb imagjinojm\u00eb se \u00e7far\u00eb mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb e mundur, n\u00ebse zgjedhim t’i shohim d\u00ebshirat tona erotike m\u00eb fleksibile sesa t\u00eb fiksuara. Eseja<\/a> b\u00ebri buj\u00eb n\u00eb vitin 2018, kur u botua p\u00ebr her\u00eb t\u00eb par\u00eb, n\u00eb London Review of Books, pjes\u00ebrisht sepse titulli i saj provokues origjinal, “A ka dikush t\u00eb drejt\u00eb p\u00ebr seks?<\/em>“, u sugjeroi lexuesve t\u00eb caktuar se Srinivasan ishte e p\u00ebrgatitur t\u00eb argumentonte se e b\u00ebjn\u00eb disa njer\u00ebz. N\u00eb fakt, ajo po argumentonte t\u00eb kund\u00ebrt\u00ebn; \u00ebsht\u00eb “aksiomatike”, shkruan ajo, “q\u00eb askush nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i detyruar t\u00eb ket\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie seksuale me ask\u00ebnd tjet\u00ebr”, dhe “aksiomatike” \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb fjal\u00eb, q\u00eb filozof\u00ebt nuk e p\u00ebrdorin vet\u00ebm. Megjithat\u00eb, duke lexuar esen\u00eb tani, mund t\u00eb shihni pse njer\u00ebzit – komentues konservator\u00eb, si kolumnisti Ross Douthat, por edhe nj\u00eb num\u00ebr feminist\u00ebsh – u tremb\u00ebn.<\/p>\n

Srinivasan fillon diskutimin e saj me Elliot Rodger. Ai dhe burrat e tjer\u00eb t\u00eb vet\u00ebshpallur meshkuj duan t\u00eb p\u00ebrdhunojn\u00eb dhe vrasin gra, dhe, p\u00ebr m\u00eb tep\u00ebr, ata na faj\u00ebsojn\u00eb ne, q\u00eb i frym\u00ebzuam t\u00eb p\u00ebrdhunojn\u00eb dhe vrasin. Si\u00e7 kan\u00eb v\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb dukje shum\u00eb feministe, fenomeni incel<\/em><\/strong> \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb form\u00eb ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht e p\u00ebrqendruar e helmit misogynist<\/em>, q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb aerosolizuar n\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb ajrin e p\u00ebrgjithsh\u00ebm kulturor. Burra t\u00eb till\u00eb mendojn\u00eb se kan\u00eb t\u00eb drejt\u00eb p\u00ebr seks, por k\u00ebshtu kan\u00eb shum\u00eb burra – dhe, deri von\u00eb, ligji ishte shpesh n\u00eb an\u00ebn e tyre. (Askush nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb d\u00ebnuar p\u00ebr p\u00ebrdhunim martesor n\u00eb Shtetet e Bashkuara para 1979<\/em>.)<\/p>\n

Pra, edhe pse ajo q\u00eb b\u00ebri Rodger ishte e gabuar, “ndjenja e tij e t\u00eb drejt\u00ebs seksuale ishte nj\u00eb rast studimi n\u00eb ideologjin\u00eb patriarkale<\/em>“, shkruan Srinivasan. Ky \u00ebsht\u00eb pozicioni i konsensusit. Pastaj ajo na k\u00ebrkon t\u00eb shikojm\u00eb nga af\u00ebr se \u00e7far\u00eb p\u00ebrfshinte ndjenja e ve\u00e7ant\u00eb e Rodger p\u00ebr t\u00eb drejt\u00ebn seksuale. N\u00ebna e Rodger ishte kineze malajziane<\/em>, babai i tij ishte anglez i bardh\u00eb<\/em>; n\u00eb manifestin e tij, ai shkroi p\u00ebr t\u00ebrbimin e tij, kur e pa veten t\u00eb refuzuar seksualisht, nd\u00ebrsa “nj\u00eb djal\u00eb i zi inferior dhe i sh\u00ebmtuar<\/em>” q\u00eb ai e njihte, ishte “n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb shkonte me nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb t\u00eb bardh\u00eb<\/em>“. \u00cbsht\u00eb e qart\u00eb se d\u00ebshira e Rodger dhe urrejtja ndaj grave u p\u00ebrforcua nga nj\u00eb hierarki racore e ngurt\u00eb dhe neverit\u00ebse. Por, pyet Srinivasan, a \u00ebsht\u00eb sistemi i incel<\/em> aq i ndrysh\u00ebm nga ai q\u00eb p\u00ebrdorin t\u00eb ashtuquajturit njer\u00ebz normal\u00eb n\u00eb shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb ton\u00eb, kur k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb seks? Rodger, i cili ishte i fiksuar erotikisht me “zusk\u00ebn e llastuar, kok\u00eblart\u00eb, bjonde”, nuk e kishte gabim t\u00eb kuptonte se nj\u00eb person i till\u00eb nuk kishte gjasa t\u00eb tregonte interes p\u00ebr t\u00eb. Ai mund t’i ket\u00eb shikuar grat\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb reduktive, kategorike, por a nuk po b\u00ebnin grat\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn gj\u00eb, kur e shihnin at\u00eb dhe pan\u00eb (si\u00e7 thot\u00eb Srinivasan) nj\u00eb “djal\u00eb t\u00eb shkurt\u00ebr, t\u00eb ngath\u00ebt, fem\u00ebror, nd\u00ebr racor<\/em>“?<\/p>\n

Tregu yn\u00eb seksual gjykon n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb eksplicite dhe brutale<\/strong>, ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht tani q\u00eb aplikacionet e takimeve dhe lidhjeve e b\u00ebjn\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb leht\u00eb se kurr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb “bler\u00eb”, p\u00ebr partner\u00ebt sipas nj\u00eb grupi preferencash t\u00eb paracaktuara – sikur t\u00eb blini ushqime sipas kategorive n\u00eb internet – dhe “preferenca” t\u00eb tilla. Srinivasan mendon, se priren t\u00eb p\u00ebrfshijn\u00eb rac\u00ebn. Disa organe u japin status atyre, q\u00eb u jepet akses n\u00eb to. “Konsidero fuckability (pallueshm\u00ebrin\u00eb) suprem t\u00eb “zuskave bjonde t\u00eb nxehta” dhe grave t\u00eb Azis\u00eb Lindore,<\/em>” shkruan Srinivasan, duke k\u00ebrkuar vlerat e tregut n\u00eb mish, “pak\u00ebnaq\u00ebsia krahasuese p\u00ebr grat\u00eb zezake dhe burrat aziatik\u00eb, fetishizimi dhe frika nga seksualiteti i mashkullit t\u00eb zi, neveria seksuale e shprehur ndaj trupave me aft\u00ebsi t\u00eb kufizuara, trans dhe t\u00eb trash\u00eb.<\/em>” Pra, d\u00ebshira jon\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb neutrale, private. \u00cbsht\u00eb imitues i njer\u00ebzve t\u00eb tjer\u00eb, si\u00e7 pretendoi studiuesi Ren\u00e9 Girard, m\u00eb shum\u00eb se gjysm\u00eb shekulli m\u00eb par\u00eb. Bashk\u00ebpunon me shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb na shtresuar dhe burgosur.<\/p>\n

Feminizmi duhet t\u00eb ndihmoj\u00eb n\u00eb nxjerrjen n\u00eb pah t\u00eb rrug\u00ebs p\u00ebr t\u00eb dal\u00eb nga kjo gjendje e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb, por feminizmi, beson Srinivasan, mban nj\u00ebfar\u00eb faji, q\u00eb na futi n\u00eb t\u00eb, n\u00eb radh\u00eb t\u00eb par\u00eb. D\u00ebshira fem\u00ebrore nuk shihet si nj\u00eb subjekt i p\u00ebrshtatsh\u00ebm p\u00ebr kritik\u00ebn feministe. Pozitiviteti seksual rregullon dit\u00ebn: \u00e7do gj\u00eb q\u00eb nj\u00eb grua pretendon se d\u00ebshiron \u00ebsht\u00eb, sipas p\u00ebrkufizimit, nj\u00eb gj\u00eb e mir\u00eb, nj\u00eb shprehje e vullnetit fem\u00ebror, p\u00ebr aq koh\u00eb sa ajo zhvillohet brenda kufijve t\u00eb p\u00eblqimit. “Seksi nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb moralisht problematik apo joproblematik<\/em>,” shkruan Srinivasan. “\u00cbsht\u00eb thjesht\u00eb e d\u00ebshiruar ose e pad\u00ebshiruar.<\/em>”<\/p>\n

Kjo nuk ishte gjithmon\u00eb rasti. Shum\u00eb feministe t\u00eb val\u00ebs s\u00eb dyt\u00eb t\u00eb viteve nj\u00ebmij\u00eb e n\u00ebnt\u00ebqind e gjasht\u00ebdhjet\u00eb dhe shtat\u00ebdhjet\u00eb ishin t\u00eb shqet\u00ebsuara me analizimin e seksit dhe d\u00ebshir\u00ebs. Mjaft me Frojdin dhe teorit\u00eb e tij qesharake<\/em>, than\u00eb ata. D\u00ebshira, sipas fjal\u00ebve t\u00eb Catharine MacKinnon, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb “nxitje e lindur par\u00ebsore natyrore para-politike e pakusht\u00ebzuar, e ndar\u00eb p\u00ebrgjat\u00eb vij\u00ebs gjinore biologjike<\/em>“. Kush dhe \u00e7far\u00eb dhe si duam \u00ebsht\u00eb politike, e kusht\u00ebzuar nga patriarkalizmi, q\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb, nga shtypja. P\u00ebr m\u00eb tep\u00ebr, shum\u00eb feministe – “feministet anti-seks<\/em>“, si\u00e7 u b\u00ebn\u00eb t\u00eb njohura – besonin se fakti i d\u00ebshir\u00ebs n\u00eb vetvete p\u00ebrb\u00ebnte shtypje, t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn kur drejtohej ndaj burrave. Nj\u00eb zgjidhje e qart\u00eb ishte t\u00eb hiqnin burrat nga fotografia. Lezbianizmi u krijua si nj\u00eb identitet politik, i disponuesh\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u00eb gjitha grat\u00eb, pavar\u00ebsisht nga preferencat seksuale, megjith\u00ebse, t\u00eb v\u00ebrteta p\u00ebr emrin e tyre, disa feministe anti-seks vendos\u00ebn t\u00eb shkojn\u00eb m\u00eb tej. Srinivasan shkruan p\u00ebr nj\u00eb grup t\u00eb quajtur Cell 16<\/em>, me qend\u00ebr n\u00eb Boston, i cili “praktikoi separatiz\u00ebm seksual, beqari dhe karate<\/em>” dhe i hapte takimet duke lexuar “Manifestin e posht\u00ebr<\/a>” t\u00eb Valerie Solanas.<\/p>\n

N\u00eb an\u00ebn tjet\u00ebr ishin feministet “pro-grua” si Ellen Willis, t\u00eb cilat vun\u00eb n\u00eb dukje se k\u00ebrkimi nga grat\u00eb, q\u00eb t\u00eb rimodelojn\u00eb dhe kufizojn\u00eb d\u00ebshirat e tyre, sipas politik\u00ebs s\u00eb tyre, mund t\u00eb mos jet\u00eb sakt\u00ebsisht \u00e7liruese. Feministet anti-seks, than\u00eb ata, donin t\u00eb aplikonin “zgjidhjen personale<\/em>” n\u00eb nj\u00eb problem q\u00eb ishte, n\u00eb rr\u00ebnj\u00eb, strukturor. Burrat kishin shum\u00eb pun\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb, por grat\u00eb nuk kishin nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb braktisnin shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb e tyre, nd\u00ebrsa b\u00ebnin veprimet e tyre s\u00eb bashku: dhoma e gjumit ishte fush\u00ebbetej\u00eb<\/em>. P\u00ebrfundimisht, Willis ndihmoi n\u00eb gjetjen e nj\u00eb pozicioni t\u00eb ri. Feminizmi, k\u00ebrkoi ajo, duhej t\u00eb ndalonte p\u00ebrfshirjen n\u00eb “moralizmin autoritar<\/em>” kur ishte fjala p\u00ebr seksin, dhe t\u00eb fillonte t’i konsideronte grat\u00eb si agjente seksuale t\u00eb fuqishme, t\u00eb cilat duhet t\u00eb vendosnin se \u00e7far\u00eb b\u00ebnin dhe \u00e7far\u00eb nuk u p\u00eblqente n\u00eb shtrat, pa u th\u00ebn\u00eb se po bashk\u00ebpunonin n\u00eb shtypjen e tyre. Grat\u00eb kishin nj\u00eb t\u00eb drejt\u00eb absolute p\u00ebr t\u00eb ndjekur d\u00ebshirat e tyre, brenda kufijve t\u00eb p\u00eblqimit. Ky ishte pozitivitet seksual dhe parashikonte ardhjen e val\u00ebs s\u00eb tret\u00eb t\u00eb feminizmit, at\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebn ne ende po shfletojm\u00eb.<\/p>\n

Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebr t’u habitur, pozitiviteti seksual ka pasur m\u00eb shum\u00eb fuqi q\u00ebndrimi sesa beqaria ose lezbianizmi politik. Seksi \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb e dobishme t\u00eb kesh n\u00eb an\u00ebn t\u00ebnde, por, beson Srinivasan, ai vjen me nj\u00eb kosto. “Gj\u00ebja e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme tani, mendohet gjer\u00ebsisht, \u00ebsht\u00eb q\u00eb t’i mbajm\u00eb grat\u00eb n\u00eb fjal\u00ebn e tyre<\/em>,” shkruan ajo. “N\u00ebse nj\u00eb grua thot\u00eb se i p\u00eblqen t\u00eb punoj\u00eb n\u00eb pornografi, ose t\u00eb paguhet p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb seks me burra, ose t\u00eb p\u00ebrfshihet n\u00eb fantazit\u00eb e p\u00ebrdhunimit, ose t\u00eb vesh\u00eb stileto – dhe madje q\u00eb ajo nuk i shijon vet\u00ebm k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra, por i gjen ato emancipuese, pjes\u00eb e praktik\u00ebs feministe t\u00eb saj – at\u00ebher\u00eb na k\u00ebrkohet, mendojn\u00eb shum\u00eb feministe, t’i besojm\u00eb asaj<\/em>.” Ajo vet\u00eb duket se nuk mendon k\u00ebshtu – toni i saj k\u00ebtu \u00ebsht\u00eb i mbushur me skepticiz\u00ebm, madje edhe sarkaz\u00ebm – por ajo nuk e thot\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb drejtp\u00ebrdrejt. Nj\u00eb arsye mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb, q\u00eb ajo e sheh k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj feminizmi sepse-them-k\u00ebshtu<\/em>, si n\u00ebnprodukt i nj\u00eb gj\u00ebje t\u00eb padiskutueshme t\u00eb mir\u00eb, q\u00eb i ndodhi l\u00ebvizjes, e cila \u00ebsht\u00eb se ajo u b\u00eb m\u00eb e larmishme, dhe rrjedhimisht m\u00eb tolerante. Shum\u00eb luftime gjat\u00eb val\u00ebs s\u00eb dyt\u00eb u zhvilluan midis grave t\u00eb bardha t\u00eb klas\u00ebs s\u00eb mesme; nd\u00ebrsa feminizmi zgjeroi tend\u00ebn e tij racore dhe kulturore, shkruan Srinivasan, “duke menduar p\u00ebr m\u00ebnyrat se si shtypja patriarkale ndikohet nga raca dhe klasa, i ka b\u00ebr\u00eb feministet ngurruese t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb receta universale, p\u00ebrfshir\u00eb politikat seksuale universale.<\/em>”<\/p>\n

Kryesisht, ajo duket se d\u00ebshiron q\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb ne t\u00eb mendojm\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebr k\u00eb dhe \u00e7far\u00eb na p\u00eblqen – t\u00eb “banojm\u00eb n\u00eb vendin ambivalent ku ne pranojm\u00eb se askush nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i detyruar t\u00eb d\u00ebshiroj\u00eb dik\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, se askush nuk ka t\u00eb drejt\u00eb t\u00eb d\u00ebshirohet, por gjithashtu se kush \u00ebsht\u00eb i d\u00ebshiruar dhe kush jo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb pyetje politike, nj\u00eb pyetje q\u00eb shpesh p\u00ebrgjigjet nga modelet m\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrgjithshme t\u00eb dominimit dhe p\u00ebrjashtimit<\/em>.” Srinivasan e ka t\u00eb qart\u00eb nevoj\u00ebn p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb di\u00e7ka n\u00eb lidhje me d\u00ebshirat tona, por jo p\u00ebr at\u00eb q\u00eb, sakt\u00ebsisht, duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb. Ajo sheh premtimin n\u00eb pozitivitetin e trupit dhe “l\u00ebvizjet radikale t\u00eb dashuris\u00eb p\u00ebr veten<\/em>“, frazat ikonike t\u00eb t\u00eb cilave – “E zeza \u00ebsht\u00eb e bukur<\/em>” dhe “e madhe \u00ebsht\u00eb e bukur<\/em>” – nuk jan\u00eb “vet\u00ebm parulla fuqizimi, por propozime p\u00ebr nj\u00eb rivler\u00ebsim t\u00eb vlerave tona<\/em>“. Nj\u00eb rivler\u00ebsim i till\u00eb mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb m\u00eb i v\u00ebshtir\u00eb p\u00ebr t’u arritur kur p\u00ebrpiqeni t\u00eb doni njer\u00ebz t\u00eb tjer\u00eb p\u00ebrve\u00e7 vetes. Tashm\u00eb ekziston nj\u00eb term p\u00ebr t\u00ebrheqjen kategorike ndaj “tjetrit”: fetishizimi. Ekziston gjithashtu nj\u00eb term p\u00ebr preferenc\u00ebn e bazuar n\u00eb faj, sesa n\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00eb: m\u00ebshir\u00eb<\/em>. E para \u00ebsht\u00eb anatem\u00eb ndaj dashuris\u00eb, e dyta ndaj seksit, dhe t\u00eb dyja jan\u00eb anatem\u00eb ndaj dinjitetit.<\/p>\n

K<\/b><\/span>\u00ebshilla thelb\u00ebsore e Srinivasan – p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrqafuar ambivalenc\u00ebn – mund t\u00eb duket e pamundur t\u00eb shkaktoj\u00eb ofendim. Por ajo e b\u00ebri. P\u00ebrgjigjet e pak\u00ebnaqura ndaj botimit t\u00eb “A ka dikush t\u00eb drejt\u00eb p\u00ebr seks?<\/em>” jan\u00eb subjekt i nj\u00eb eseje t\u00eb m\u00ebvonshme n\u00eb librin e Srinivasan, “Coda: Politika e d\u00ebshir\u00ebs<\/em>“. Leximi i k\u00ebtyre dy pjes\u00ebve s\u00eb bashku \u00ebsht\u00eb si t\u00eb ndjek\u00ebsh nj\u00eb got\u00eb roz\u00eb me nj\u00eb goditje zjarri. N\u00eb “E drejta p\u00ebr seks<\/em>“, Srinivasan \u00ebsht\u00eb e but\u00eb dhe dijetare, duke shkelur leht\u00eb nd\u00ebrsa nd\u00ebrton argumentin e saj. N\u00eb “Coda”, ajo po shkruan me qart\u00ebsin\u00eb e zem\u00ebrimit. Ajo num\u00ebron \u00e7do paragraf – gjithsej tet\u00ebdhjet\u00eb e tet\u00eb – si tezat e Martin Luterit, sikur t\u00eb sigurohemi q\u00eb t\u00eb mos humbasim asgj\u00eb nga ajo q\u00eb ajo ka p\u00ebr t\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb. Dhe ka nj\u00eb ndryshim tjet\u00ebr t\u00eb madh tonal. Ajo p\u00ebrqafon personin e par\u00eb, duke na th\u00ebn\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb vet\u00ebm la t\u00eb kuptohej n\u00eb “E Drejta p\u00ebr Seks<\/em>“: se k\u00ebto pyetje, p\u00ebr t\u00eb, jan\u00eb personale.<\/p>\n

Srinivasan i merr seriozisht kritik\u00ebt e saj, duke cituar cic\u00ebrimat dhe kolonat e opozit\u00ebs. Ato p\u00ebrfshijn\u00eb feministet trans, q\u00eb shqet\u00ebsohen se kritika politike e d\u00ebshir\u00ebs s\u00eb Srinivasan mund t\u00eb ndikoj\u00eb n\u00eb d\u00ebshirat e njer\u00ebzve t\u00eb margjinalizuar; lezbike anti-trans q\u00eb “duan t’i rezistojn\u00eb \u00e7do analogjie t\u00eb mundshme midis personit t\u00eb bardh\u00eb, q\u00eb p\u00ebr politik\u00eb nuk fle me njer\u00ebzit e zinj, dhe lezbikeve cis (Cisgender (ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb cissexual, ose shkurtohet n\u00eb cis) p\u00ebrshkruan nj\u00eb person, identiteti gjinor, i t\u00eb cilit p\u00ebrputhet me seksin e tyre t\u00eb caktuar n\u00eb lindje. Fjala cisgender \u00ebsht\u00eb antonimi i transgjinorit.), q\u00eb p\u00ebr \u00e7\u00ebshtje politike nuk fle me grat\u00eb trans<\/em>“; konservator\u00ebt q\u00eb shohin n\u00eb argumentet e Srinivasan ngritjen e rendit t\u00eb vjet\u00ebr seksual t\u00eb n\u00ebnshtrimit t\u00eb femr\u00ebs ndaj dominimit mashkullor. (Sigurisht, n\u00ebse rendi i vjet\u00ebr seksual do t\u00eb ishte p\u00ebrmbysur, Srinivasan nuk do t\u00eb kishte nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb shkruante nj\u00eb lib\u00ebr, q\u00eb trajtonte problemin e dominimit t\u00eb meshkujve.)<\/p>\n

Srinivasan p\u00ebrgjigjet duke provuar prova se premisa e “preferenc\u00ebs” p\u00ebrdoret p\u00ebr t\u00eb mbuluar nj\u00eb s\u00ebr\u00eb befasish padrejt\u00ebsish dhe abuzimesh. Kjo k\u00ebrkon q\u00eb ajo t\u00eb tronditet p\u00ebrmes temave seksiste t\u00eb Reddit, shfaqjeve raciste t\u00eb TV-s\u00eb dhe vendeve t\u00eb tjera t\u00eb k\u00ebqia. Por ajo q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e dhimbshme \u00ebsht\u00eb shpesh ajo q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb af\u00ebr sht\u00ebpis\u00eb. Ajo citon shkrimtaren Audrea Lim, e cila-n\u00eb nj\u00eb Op-Ed<\/a> p\u00ebr tendenc\u00ebn, midis burrave t\u00eb djatht\u00eb, p\u00ebr t’u takuar dhe martuar me gra aziatike – p\u00ebrshkroi p\u00ebrvoj\u00ebn e saj si nj\u00eb “vajz\u00eb 14-vje\u00e7are aziatike n\u00eb nj\u00eb shkoll\u00eb jasht\u00ebzakonisht t\u00eb bardh\u00eb “E cila k\u00ebrkoi favorin duke” distancuar veten nga f\u00ebmij\u00ebt e tjer\u00eb aziatik\u00eb<\/em>” dhe e dinte se kishte arritur kur nj\u00eb shoqe, i tha asaj se ajo ishte “e ftoht\u00eb”, dhe p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb arsye e bardh\u00eb. “Un\u00eb gjithashtu kam miq q\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb shaka se jam “n\u00eb thelb e bardh\u00eb”. Shkruan Srinivasan. “Ndoshta nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb shaka.” Ajo vazhdon:<\/p>\n

Un\u00eb njoh shum\u00eb gra t\u00eb Azis\u00eb Lindore dhe Jugore, q\u00eb jetojn\u00eb n\u00eb vendet per\u00ebndimore, t\u00eb cilat nuk duan t\u00eb martohen me burrat q\u00eb jan\u00eb martuar n\u00ebnat, gjyshet dhe hallat tona. Ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb kur themi se burrat aziatik\u00eb na kujtojn\u00eb kush\u00ebrinjt\u00eb tan\u00eb, ne po themi: ne dim\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebr m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn sesi rriten k\u00ebta djem dhe burra. Nj\u00eb pyetje \u00ebsht\u00eb: a nuk jan\u00eb grat\u00eb aziatike brenda t\u00eb drejtave t\u00eb tyre p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb zgjedhje t\u00eb tilla? Nj\u00eb pyetje tjet\u00ebr \u00ebsht\u00eb: pse mendoni se djemt\u00eb dhe burrat e bardh\u00eb rriten m\u00eb mir\u00eb? A gjendet sofistikimi vet\u00ebm n\u00eb Kaukaz?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Srinivasan po flet p\u00ebr p\u00ebrvoj\u00ebn shqet\u00ebsuese t\u00eb t\u00eb qenit t\u00eb kategorizuar nga t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt dhe po shikon me forc\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn se si ajo mund t\u00eb tundohet t’i miratoj\u00eb k\u00ebto kategori. P\u00ebr secil\u00ebn nga pikat e saj, si\u00e7 e b\u00ebn t\u00eb qart\u00eb ky pasazh, ajo mund t\u00eb gjej\u00eb nj\u00eb kund\u00ebrpik\u00eb. Kjo duhet t\u00eb jet\u00eb ajo q\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb t\u00eb “banosh n\u00eb ambivalenc\u00eb”. \u00cbsht\u00eb e qart\u00eb, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb vend i rehatsh\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb.<\/p>\n

Por pse duhet t\u00eb jet\u00eb e rehatshme? P\u00ebrballja me d\u00ebshirat e dikujt \u00ebsht\u00eb e rrezikshme dhe historia e tij, si praktik\u00eb, v\u00ebshtir\u00eb se ka sukses. Terapia e konvertimit gjithashtu ka t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb me p\u00ebrpjekjen p\u00ebr t\u00eb ndryshuar at\u00eb q\u00eb njer\u00ebzit duan, dhe nga t\u00eb gjitha llogarit\u00eb, p\u00ebrvoja nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm ferr; \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithashtu joefektive. Megjithat\u00eb terapia e konvertimit i sh\u00ebrben nj\u00eb politike shtyp\u00ebse. Srinivasan \u00ebsht\u00eb pas \u00e7lirimit. Procesi i vet\u00eb-marrjes n\u00eb pyetje mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb i dhimbsh\u00ebm, por \u00ebsht\u00eb pjes\u00eb e k\u00ebrkimit, thot\u00eb ajo, p\u00ebr g\u00ebzim m\u00eb t\u00eb madh.<\/p>\n

N<\/b><\/span>\u00eb filmin e Pedro Almod\u00f3var<\/a> “Ligji i D\u00ebshir\u00ebs<\/em>” (1987), Antonio Banderas luan Antonio, nj\u00eb djal\u00eb i ri me nj\u00eb vidh\u00eb t\u00eb mang\u00ebt, i cili fiksohet me Pablo Quintero (Eusebio Poncela), nj\u00eb regjisor filmi homoseksual. Antonio q\u00ebndron rreth klubit, ku ai e di q\u00eb Pablo p\u00eblqen t\u00eb shkoj\u00eb, duke pritur q\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrplaset me t\u00eb. “Un\u00eb normalisht nuk fle me djem,” i thot\u00eb ai Pablos, kur m\u00eb n\u00eb fund ata takohen. Por ajo q\u00eb ai normalisht b\u00ebn ose nuk b\u00ebn \u00ebsht\u00eb e par\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme. Ai ka r\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb prit\u00eb nga d\u00ebshira dhe \u00ebsht\u00eb i vendosur, si\u00e7 m\u00ebson s\u00eb shpejti Pablo, ta k\u00ebnaq\u00eb at\u00eb.<\/p>\n

D\u00ebshira ndryshon, dhe jo zakonisht nga mekanizmi i zgjedhjes s\u00eb vet\u00ebdijshme. Takojm\u00eb dik\u00eb; ne e duam at\u00eb. Pastaj takojm\u00eb dik\u00eb tjet\u00ebr. Srinivasan e njeh k\u00ebt\u00eb. N\u00eb fakt, \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo p\u00ebr t\u00eb cil\u00ebn ajo mendon se duhet t\u00eb shpresojm\u00eb. “D\u00ebshira mund t\u00eb na kap\u00eb n\u00eb befasi, duke na \u00e7uar diku, ku nuk e kishim imagjinuar se do t\u00eb shkonim, ose drejt dikujt q\u00eb nuk e kishim menduar se do ta d\u00ebshironim, ose do ta donim<\/em>,” shkruan ajo, n\u00eb fund t\u00eb eses\u00eb s\u00eb saj “E drejta p\u00ebr seks<\/em>“. Ndoshta nuk duhet t\u00eb shqet\u00ebsohemi shum\u00eb se si t\u00eb ndryshojm\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb duam, por n\u00eb vend t\u00eb k\u00ebsaj, si Antonio, t\u00eb pranojm\u00eb se mund t\u00eb jemi t\u00eb gabuar n\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb mendojm\u00eb se duam dhe t\u00eb p\u00ebrqafojm\u00eb mund\u00ebsin\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb dashur di\u00e7ka t\u00eb ndryshme.<\/p>\n

Ky \u00ebsht\u00eb mesazhi i librit t\u00eb fundit t\u00eb teoricienes Katherine Angel, “Nes\u00ebr Seksi do t\u00eb jet\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebri i mir\u00eb<\/a>” (Verso). D\u00ebshira erotike, argumenton Angel, nuk ulet brenda nesh, e formuar plot\u00ebsisht, duke pritur t\u00eb minohet si xeheror. Ajo merr form\u00eb p\u00ebrmes nj\u00eb procesi eksplorimi, dhe, n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb ideale, bashk\u00ebpunimit. (Ata nuk e quajn\u00eb at\u00eb “marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie seksuale” p\u00ebr asgj\u00eb.) Por Angel mendon se ky lloj zbulimi i lumtur \u00ebsht\u00eb komprometuar p\u00ebr shum\u00eb gra. Nj\u00eb arsye e qart\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb k\u00ebrc\u00ebnimi i dhun\u00ebs mashkullore. Nj\u00eb fajtor m\u00eb pak i duksh\u00ebm \u00ebsht\u00eb garancia q\u00eb feminizmi bashk\u00ebkohor ka formuluar p\u00ebr t\u00eb shuar at\u00eb k\u00ebrc\u00ebnim: p\u00eblqimin afirmativ.<\/p>\n

Aty ku \u00e7\u00ebshtja e Srinivasan me p\u00eblqim \u00ebsht\u00eb se \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb standard shum\u00eb lejues p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrcaktuar se \u00e7far\u00eb p\u00ebrb\u00ebn seks “t\u00eb mir\u00eb”, i Angel \u00ebsht\u00eb se \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb kufizues. Pik\u00eb s\u00eb pari, p\u00eblqimi afirmativ varet nga “mendjemadh\u00ebsia e qart\u00ebsis\u00eb absolute<\/em>“: para se nj\u00eb grua t\u00eb pajtohet se b\u00ebn ose nuk d\u00ebshiron t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb di\u00e7ka, ose t’i b\u00ebj\u00eb di\u00e7ka asaj, ajo duhet t\u00eb dij\u00eb se \u00e7far\u00eb i p\u00eblqen dhe d\u00ebshiron. Po sikur ajo t\u00eb jet\u00eb e pasigurt, ose ende nuk e di? Shum\u00eb keq. Angel shqet\u00ebsohet gjithashtu, se fokusi p\u00ebr p\u00eblqim trajton \u00e7do takim seksual midis nj\u00eb burri dhe nj\u00eb gruaje, si nj\u00eb sken\u00eb t\u00eb mundshme krimi, t\u00eb cil\u00ebn i takon gruas ta gjykoj\u00eb. (Fokusi i saj \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb dinamik\u00ebn e heteroseksualitetit.) Burri supozohet t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb k\u00ebrc\u00ebnim; roli i gruas \u00ebsht\u00eb ta siguroj\u00eb at\u00eb, se ai nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb. Kjo nuk b\u00ebn sakt\u00ebsisht nj\u00eb shk\u00ebmbim t\u00eb barabart\u00eb k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsie dhe nuk duket si nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht efektive p\u00ebr t\u00eb parandaluar dhun\u00ebn seksuale.<\/p>\n

Angel shkruan me d\u00ebshir\u00eb p\u00ebr “feministet e konfidenc\u00ebs”, t\u00eb cilat kund\u00ebrshtojn\u00eb hezitimin dhe pasigurin\u00eb e femrave. Pse nuk that\u00eb vet\u00ebm at\u00eb q\u00eb d\u00ebshironi? Pse nuk u largove? Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo q\u00eb pyesin k\u00ebto feministe kur nj\u00eb grua pranon se ishte e shqet\u00ebsuar ose e hutuar pas nj\u00eb takimi t\u00eb paqart\u00eb seksual. Konfidenca feministe trajton \u00e7do shenj\u00eb t\u00eb cenueshm\u00ebris\u00eb nga ana e nj\u00eb gruaje si nj\u00eb pranim t\u00eb dob\u00ebsis\u00eb – dhe cenueshm\u00ebria \u00ebsht\u00eb pik\u00ebrisht aspekti i d\u00ebshir\u00ebs q\u00eb Angel e gjen m\u00eb t\u00eb \u00e7muar: \u201cNj\u00eb etik\u00eb seksuale, q\u00eb vlen p\u00ebr t’u p\u00ebrmendur, duhet t\u00eb lejoj\u00eb paqart\u00ebsi, pakuptueshm\u00ebri dhe mosnjohje.<\/em>”<\/p>\n

“Nes\u00ebr Seksi do t\u00eb jet\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebri mir\u00eb<\/em>” \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb emocionues n\u00eb fillim dhe n\u00eb fund, ku Angel \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e guximshmja n\u00eb idet\u00eb e saj. N\u00eb kapitujt e mes\u00ebm, ajo na kalon n\u00ebp\u00ebr shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz t\u00eb tjer\u00eb, kryesisht n\u00eb interes t\u00eb hedhjes s\u00eb ujit t\u00eb ftoht\u00eb n\u00eb studimet q\u00eb pretendojn\u00eb t\u00eb provojn\u00eb nj\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb objektive p\u00ebr grat\u00eb dhe d\u00ebshir\u00ebn. N\u00ebse jeni t\u00eb tunduar p\u00ebr t\u00eb v\u00ebn\u00eb besimin tuaj n\u00eb mjete si pletizmografia vaginale (“nj\u00eb sond\u00eb e vog\u00ebl akrilike me madh\u00ebsin\u00eb e nj\u00eb tamponi”, n\u00eb p\u00ebrshkrimin e dobish\u00ebm t\u00eb Angel), e cila mat rrjedh\u00ebn e gjakut n\u00eb vagin\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb p\u00ebrpjekje p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrcaktuar objektivisht, se \u00e7far\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb q\u00eb grat\u00eb duan, Angel do t\u00eb t\u00eb heq\u00eb dor\u00eb nga d\u00ebshira. Asht\u00eb nj\u00eb leht\u00ebsim kur ajo kalon nga shkenca n\u00eb film dhe let\u00ebrsi – dometh\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb trillime, ku thuhen t\u00eb v\u00ebrtetat m\u00eb komplekse njer\u00ebzore. Me rekomandimin e entuziazmit t\u00eb saj, lexova romanin e Susanna Moore “N\u00eb prerje<\/a>” (In the Cut<\/em>), dhe gati sa m\u00eb shkriu fytyr\u00ebn. Si\u00e7 sugjeron interesimi i Angel p\u00ebr at\u00eb lib\u00ebr t\u00eb dhunsh\u00ebm dhe seksi, ajo t\u00ebrhiqet nga lidhja midis erosit dhe rrezikut. Cenueshm\u00ebria p\u00ebrfshin rrezik, na kujton Engj\u00eblli, dhe seksi nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb kurr\u00eb i lir\u00eb nga dinamika e pushtetit. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo q\u00eb e b\u00ebn at\u00eb t\u00eb frikshme, dhe gjithashtu, ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb, t\u00eb mrekullueshme.<\/p>\n

Angel nuk po na propozon q\u00eb t\u00eb heqim dor\u00eb nga p\u00eblqimi. Ajo d\u00ebshiron q\u00eb ne ta trajtojm\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00ebn m\u00eb pak si nj\u00eb pohim dhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb si nj\u00eb “bised\u00eb, eksplorim reciprok, kuriozitet, pasiguri – t\u00eb gjitha gj\u00ebrat, si\u00e7 ndodh, q\u00eb stigmatizohen brenda maskulinitetit tradicional<\/em>“. Gruas moderne i \u00ebsht\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb, ad nauseam<\/em>, t\u00eb p\u00ebrqafoj\u00eb an\u00ebn e saj mashkullore: t\u00eb jet\u00eb deklarative, vendimtare dhe e sigurt, t\u00eb mos pranoj\u00eb asnj\u00eb konfuzion ose hezitim, t\u00eb “mb\u00ebshtetet” jo vet\u00ebm n\u00eb dhom\u00ebn e bordit, por edhe n\u00eb shtrat. Tani, thot\u00eb Angel, \u00ebsht\u00eb koha q\u00eb burrat t\u00eb sillen m\u00eb shum\u00eb si gra duke p\u00ebrqafuar “porozitetin” dhe ndjeshm\u00ebrin\u00eb e tyre. (N\u00eb fund t\u00eb fundit, Angel thekson, me dashuri, \u00e7far\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e prekshme se trupi mashkullor, i cili i b\u00ebn d\u00ebshirat e tij kaq t\u00eb njohura?) Goodsht\u00eb mir\u00eb t\u00eb shoh\u00ebsh Engj\u00ebllin q\u00eb i kushton v\u00ebmendje meshkujve heteroseksual\u00eb, p\u00ebr t’i “mir\u00ebpritur ata n\u00eb cenueshm\u00ebri”. Ata mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb grupi i njer\u00ebzve q\u00eb kan\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb d\u00ebgjuar at\u00eb q\u00eb ajo ka p\u00ebr t\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb.<\/p>\n

N<\/b><\/span>j\u00eb sfid\u00eb me t\u00eb cil\u00ebn p\u00ebrballen Srinivasan dhe Angel, si teoriciene t\u00eb seksit dhe d\u00ebshir\u00ebs, \u200b\u200b\u00ebsht\u00eb se seksi dhe d\u00ebshira jan\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtira p\u00ebr t\u2019u teorizuar. \u00cbsht\u00eb m\u00eb e leht\u00eb t\u00eb shpjegosh se \u00e7far\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb seksi, sesa ajo q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb. “Seksi nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb sandui\u00e7<\/em>,” shkruan Srinivasan. Angel pajtohet: seksi nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb “di\u00e7ka q\u00eb duhet dh\u00ebn\u00eb dhe marr\u00eb<\/em>“, si nj\u00eb objekt ose nj\u00eb e mir\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb “nj\u00eb proces, nj\u00eb zhvillim, nj\u00eb shpalosje<\/em>“. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb arsyeja pse ajo dhe Srinivasan kujdesen aq shum\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb – jo vet\u00ebm sepse siguron k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsi, por sepse mund t\u00eb zgjeroj\u00eb kufijt\u00eb e vetvetes.<\/p>\n

Dhe d\u00ebshira seksuale mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb akt krijues, nj\u00eb ftes\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb imagjinuar. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka q\u00eb Srinivasan e kupton n\u00eb nj\u00eb ese t\u00eb quajtur “Duke folur me student\u00ebt e mi p\u00ebr pornografin\u00eb<\/em>“. Shum\u00eb feminist\u00eb t\u00eb val\u00ebs s\u00eb dyt\u00eb besuan se pornografia jo vet\u00ebm q\u00eb u fal, por n\u00eb fakt kusht\u00ebzoi dhun\u00ebn kund\u00ebr grave. Disa luftuan p\u00ebr ta kufizuar dhe ndaluar at\u00eb, megjith\u00ebse, si\u00e7 thekson Srinivasan, ligjet q\u00eb kufizojn\u00eb shprehjen seksuale dhe p\u00ebrshkrimin e saj kan\u00eb tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb mos b\u00ebjn\u00eb asnj\u00eb favor p\u00ebr grat\u00eb dhe njer\u00ebzit e \u00e7uditsh\u00ebm. Problemi i saj me pornografin\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00ebnyra se si siguron q\u00eb “imagjinata \u00ebsht\u00eb e kufizuar n\u00eb imitim, duke shpifur at\u00eb q\u00eb ajo tashm\u00eb ka thithur<\/em>“. Ajo q\u00eb kan\u00eb nevoj\u00eb njer\u00ebzit, ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht t\u00eb rinjt\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb “nj\u00eb imagjinat\u00eb e guximshme seksuale<\/em>“. Seksi, shkruan ajo, \u201cmundet, n\u00ebse ata zgjedhin, t\u00eb mbetet ashtu si\u00e7 e kan\u00eb zgjedhur brezat para tyre: t\u00eb dhunsh\u00ebm, egoist\u00eb dhe t\u00eb pabarabart\u00eb. Ose seksi – n\u00ebse ata zgjedhin – mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb di\u00e7ka m\u00eb e g\u00ebzueshme, m\u00eb e barabart\u00eb, m\u00eb e lir\u00eb<\/em>.” \u00cbsht\u00eb nj\u00eb vizion i bukur, edhe pse Srinivasan nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i sigurt se si mund t\u00eb realizohet.<\/p>\n

Ndoshta askush nuk mund ta dij\u00eb – t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn, jo derisa nj\u00eb zgjedhje e till\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebhet nj\u00eb domosdoshm\u00ebri. Lexuesit e Srinivasan mund t\u00eb duan t\u00eb shikojn\u00eb filmin e Xavier Dolan “Laurence Anyways<\/a>” (2012) (Laurence gjith\u00ebsesi<\/em>), i cili ndjek dhjet\u00eb vjet n\u00eb jet\u00ebn e nj\u00eb \u00e7ifti n\u00eb Montreal. Kur fillon filmi, n\u00eb fund t\u00eb viteve nj\u00eb mij\u00eb e n\u00ebnt\u00ebqind e tet\u00ebdhjet\u00eb, Laurence (Melvil Poupaud) \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb m\u00ebsues i let\u00ebrsis\u00eb, q\u00eb jeton me t\u00eb dashur\u00ebn e tij t\u00eb bukur, vitale, Fredin (Suzanne Cl\u00e9ment). Ata jan\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb lloj marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie ideale t\u00eb dashuris\u00eb, duke banuar n\u00eb nj\u00eb bot\u00eb private prej dy vetash. Pastaj Laurence njofton se \u00ebsht\u00eb trans. Fredi zem\u00ebrohet. Ajo ndihet e tradhtuar. N\u00ebna e saj e shtyn t\u00eb largohet; motra e saj thekson se Fredit i p\u00eblqejn\u00eb meshkujt. Por Fredi vendos q\u00eb ajo do t\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqet ta b\u00ebj\u00eb at\u00eb t\u00eb funksionoj\u00eb: edhe ajo do t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb \u00e7mos p\u00ebr t\u00eb luftuar me paqart\u00ebsin\u00eb, p\u00ebr t\u00eb zgjeruar imagjinat\u00ebn e saj se \u00e7far\u00eb mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb d\u00ebshira. Tranzicioni i Laurence, n\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsin\u00eb e tij shoq\u00ebrore dhe \u00e7lirimin personal, \u00ebsht\u00eb i bukur, por k\u00ebshtu \u00ebsht\u00eb edhe procesi me t\u00eb cilin Fredi, e cila d\u00ebshiron q\u00eb gjith\u00e7ka t\u00eb mbetet e nj\u00ebjt\u00eb, p\u00ebrballet me ndryshimin. Asnj\u00eb prej nesh nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb qenie statike, e q\u00ebndrueshme, me nj\u00eb veri t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb t\u00eb brendsh\u00ebm t\u00eb fiksuar. Pyetja e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb mund t\u00eb mos jet\u00eb, n\u00ebse ne mund t\u00eb arrijm\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshojm\u00eb, por n\u00ebse ne mund ta p\u00ebrballojm\u00eb at\u00eb ose jo.\u2666<\/p>\n

\n

T\u00eb preferuarat e New Yorker<\/h2>\n

Si u infektuam nga e-mail zinxhir<\/a>.
\nDymb\u00ebdhjet\u00eb filma klasik\u00eb<\/a> p\u00ebr t\u00eb par\u00eb me f\u00ebmij\u00ebt tuaj.
\nJeta sekrete e k\u00ebrpudhave<\/a>.
\nFotografi q\u00eb pretendoi t\u00eb kapte fantazm\u00ebn e Abraham Lincoln<\/a>.
\nPse amerikan\u00ebt jan\u00eb ende t\u00eb parehatsh\u00ebm me ateizmin<\/a>?
\nRomanca e q\u00ebndrueshme e trenit t\u00eb nat\u00ebs<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Botuar n\u00eb botimin e shtypur t\u00eb numrit t\u00eb 4 tetorit 2021, me titullin “M\u00eb thuaj \u00e7far\u00eb do”.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

\"\" Alexandra Schwartz<\/a><\/strong>
\n@Alex_Lily
\nAlexandra Schwartz ka qen\u00eb nj\u00eb shkrimtare e stafit n\u00eb The New Yorker q\u00eb nga viti 2016. Ajo ishte fituese e Citation of National Critics Circuit’s Nona Balakian Citation for Excellence in Reviewing for 2014.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

D\u00ebshira perceptohet si thell\u00ebsisht personale dhe krejt\u00ebsisht spontane. Ilustrim nga Na Kim L I B R A – 4 TETOR 2021 – B O T I M E Ajo q\u00eb duam mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb m\u00eb e kusht\u00ebzuar shoq\u00ebrisht sesa ne e kuptojm\u00eb at\u00eb. Nga Alexandra Schwartz, 27 shtator 2021 – Newyorker.com\u00a0– P\u00ebrktheu Arben \u00c7okaj A […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":71788,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,35,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-71787","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-artikuj","category-kulture","category-letersi"],"yoast_head":"\nE DREJTA P\u00cbR SEKS?! Ne jemi form\u00ebsuar nga d\u00ebshirat tona seksuale. 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